THE BARREL DEMON PART 1

I like to take established genre and stretch it till it gets slightly bent out of shape (some might say silly) With your kind indulgence I shall now attack Wizard Fantasy, which already lends itself to humor easily. This is part one. STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT EXCITING EPISODE. :-]


THE BARREL DEMON by BILLY WHISKERS

Morrie Feldman stood in his dingy basement. On the floor was a pentagram outlined in Gold Medal self rising flour. In the middle of the pentagram was a circle. Morrie lit a red candle at each of the points of the pentagram and then took a frayed scrap of paper out of his wallet. Consulting the paper he added a pinch of this and a touch of that from a stack of paper envelopes. He mixed them together in a frying pan on top of a gas barbecue grill. He then stood on tip toe and declaimed, in what he hoped was a booming voice, " Ramajistus freebang FOOOOOOOZBAH" As he squeaked out the last word he lit the barbecue grill. There was a ball of flame that neatly removed his left eyebrow and half of his mustache. This was followed by billows of green foul smelling smoke that gave him a coughing fit and brought tears to his eyes.
As the smoke began to clear he saw there was something in the circle. HE HAD DONE IT. HE, MORRIE FELDMAN, HAD SUMMONED A FIERCE DEMON. He looked again as the cloud lifted and could see that it was a barrel. A barrel?
From inside the barrel came a resounding HAAAAAAA-CHOO. Slowly a set of curved rams horns rose from the barrel. They were followed by a head covered with corroded looking green scales. The most startling thing of all was the long pink pig's snout.
"Hoo boy. That's some spell you got there. Where'd you get it, out of a box of Crackerjacks"?
"I'll have you know this spell cost me Five hundred dollars. Madame Spaviniski said it was the best money could buy"
"You BOUGHT a spell? What a schmuck. Don't you know you need a different spell for every demon and you can only use it once? For five hundred you think you get top of the line?"
Morrie sighed."Other people they cast a spell, they get a big scary demon that breathes fire. Morrie Feldman? Give him a pig in a barrel. What does he know? So all right. We work with what we got. Believe me, I'm used to second rate goods".
The demon pointed a green scaled finger with a chipped grubby claw at the end of it. Morrie thought it looked as though it could use a manicure.
"Watch it with the wise cracks Bub. I may not be much of a demon but I can still handle a shrimp like you."
"HOO HAH. I read the book. I got you trapped. You're stuck here till I turn you loose".
"A lawyer we got here. So you got a reason for calling the mighty Foozbah or you just like to make a lot of stinky sneezing powder?"
"Well, you see I'm in ladies garments".
"I don't do kinky hangups", said the demon as he slowly sank back into the barrel.
TO BE CONTINUED

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