Sour Mash Hog Part 2

Here's the second part of my Sour Mash Hog story. If you haven't already read part one read it first so you know what it's all about. Not all Mountain folks are like Eb 'N Lafe. Most are hard working church going respectable folks but I've met enough like these two reprobates to know them when I see them. A word about the dialect. It isn't from any one area so don't try to pin it down, but it's typical of the way Mountain Folks talk among themselves, or used to anyway. The whole culture is slowly dissapearing. Turkey Bone Ridge exists (Far as I know) only in my mind and, I hope, yours also now.

THE SOUR MASH HOG - part 2

"Know jest what you mean", said Lafe, "Lately the preacher been comin by ever week er so. Hain't it funny how preachers allus come callin at supper time? Anyways, ever time he comes by Edna gets to fussin about havin some ham an sidemeat to serve him up. Sez it ain't fittin to serve a preacher anythin else. I'd like to see how my foot would fittin the seat a his britches. Hain't like we's lackin meat. Me an my ol dog Revalation goes out couple times a week. Most allus brings home a coon er sechlike. Got us a turkey last month an' the preacher went through thet like a buzz saw through a pine knot. Whar she think I'm agonna come by a ham?"
Eb looked thoughtfull for a moment, then said,"Might could help you out. You ever et a sour mash hog Lafe? Sweetest meat they is".
"Cain't say as I have. Heard my pappy tell of them though".
"Wal sir, You know I cain't go dumpin the spent mash from my still inta the creek. Might's well tack up my pitcher on the Sheriff's doorjamb. So I got me a sinkhole whar I dump it. Lately a ol sow been showin up thar and eatin her fill of it most ever day. Fattest ol' thing you ever seed. I swear, you could set up a still on a bare rock in the middle a the desert an soon as thet first bucket a spent mash hit the ground thar'd be a hog jest like magic."
"Wal shoot", said Lafe,"Hog like thet would give both a us a big ol ham an bacon to cure out plus they all thet sow belly an side meat. When you agoin back in thar?"
"Jest so happens I got me a batch ready to jug up right now. You help me fetch the jugs an we'll git her whilst we's thar".
Eb disapeared into the storm cellar and Lafe could hear jugs rattling around. After a bit Eb came back out with a batch of empty jugs strung on ropes. He had another jug under his arm. He shook it by his ear. "Jest enough left in th' jug to git us thar"
They each took a hefty pull from the jug and slung a batch of empty jugs over their shoulder by the ropes, then started down the track to the still.
They reached the still and began to fill the first jug. Just then there was a crashing of brush followed by a sloshing, gurgling sound. They went over to look. The sow was wallowing in the spent mash. Her snout was under the surface and she was blowing big bubbles as she gobbled the mash.
'"Thar she be. Jest like i tolt ye"
"Lawdy, lawdy, bet she'll go two hunnert pound"
"More like three", said Eb, "I'm a good hand at guessin hogs".
A stricken look came over Lafe's face. "Eb. I'm a durn fool. I left my gun asettin on yer porch".
"Yep", said Eb,"Thet shine do have a way of pacifyin yer brain. Don't worry. Time we get these jugs filled, she'll be all drunked up on thet mash an sleepin it off. We kin jest sneak down an cut her throat. She won't even know she's daid till she wakes up in hog heaven".
They went back to filling jugs. First they put a siphon hose into the still barrel. Then of course they had to suck on the end to get it started. That left them with a mouthfull of shine an neither one was the wastefull type so down it went. They could have just pinched the hose shut while they changed jugs but that wasn't any fun so they pulled the siphon out each time and restarted it for the next jug. By the time they got the last jug filled they were in almost the same shape as the hog.
They spun around several times before they got their feet pointed in the right direction and lost the trail a couple times, even though it was only twenty feet to the sump. The sow was laying on her side in the mash, snoring loudly.
"I'll sneak down an take keer of her",said Eb,"You go fetch one a them ropes to haul her out'n thar."
Eb started into the sump but he hadn't taken more than two steps when his feet slid on the slippery mash and shot out straight in front of him. Down the slope he went like a runaway sled.
TO BE CONTINUED

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