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OH LORDY. Look what's comin up the path. Quick Jody. Head for the barn!!!
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Home sweet home
I was 68 years old when I built this log cabin to live in on my 40 acres in Oklahoma. The only power tool I used was a chain saw to fell the trees. The rest was all done with hand tools. The logs were squared off with the foot adze I am holding in the picture and the logs were then skidded through the woods by a jackass (ME). Some had to be dragged a quarter mile. The only help I had was a friend helping with the two top courses of logs. The wall was too high for me to do it by myself at that point. Everything is fitted together. The only nails are the ones that hold the roofing on. JUST LISTEN TO THAT OL' BOY BRAG. ;-] And look at all the junk he flung out the door. Why I believe that's a real live redneck.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Durn that Jody anyhow
You kids best get to your homework. Ain't Jody home yet? He done what!!? Throwed somethin at a skunk? Then what? The skunk throwed somethin back. Quick run lock the doors. Don't let him inta the house. I'll go strip him down and burn his clothes. Gimme that old ragged dog blanket there. He kin wrap up in that till your ma gits home from waitressin at the Feed 'N Fuel truck stop. One a you younguns call there and tell her to bring home a couple gallons of tomato juice. Tell her we'll be out in the barn. We got to scrub this boy down with it. I swear one of these days I'm agonna sell that boy off to the circus if they'd have him. He's a natural born calamity on two legs.
OH LORDY. Look what's comin up the path. Quick Jody. Head for the barn!!!
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OH LORDY. Look what's comin up the path. Quick Jody. Head for the barn!!!
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Sunday, April 20, 2008
EB 'N LAFE SAVE THE GALAXY - Conclusion
You younguns all washed up and ready for bed? Wal I know I promised I'd tell you how it all come out so climb up here. Jody hush up your bawlin. That iodine musta quit burnin by now. I tole you what would happen if you kept pesterin that tom cat.
If you haven't read the first parts of this story read them before you read the end.
Eb 'N Lafe Save the Galaxy - conclusion
PART 4
A few months later Eb 'N Lafe sat on Eb's sagging porch, whittling, spitting, passing the jug and generally having a fine old time.
"Wonder whut ever become of thet Tulliver feller?"mused Eb
"Prob'ly went back to Pinchback Mountain. Reckon he got to missin his kinfolk", replied Lafe.
"Likely so. Kinda miss the little feller. He shore loved his shine".
"And Laws could he chase after a hound? Never seed a feller could skitter cross a bog hole fast as he could. Why it warn't nothin to him".
"Reckon them web feet had somethin to do with thet".
"Mebbe he'll come back fer a visit one a these days".
Meanwhile Admiral Click-Clack had hastily assembled his armada for the invasion of Earth. 15 A class battle cruisers and 73 B class were in orbit ready to bounce to Earth. 150,000 hermit crab marines with fully armored shells were loaded aboard transports along with all of their weapons and he had been promised more once a succesful landing was made.
The Grand Council had been a bit dubious about his claims but the profits to be made from millions of slaves were too big to ignore. This mission would make or break the career of the Admiral and Viceroy.
The Admiral had his communicator order all ships to bounce simultaneously on his command. He wanted the skies of earth to be filled with warships so there could be no effective resistance.
He held up one pincer and said,"On my command. 3 - 2 - 1- EXECUTE. He expected the computers aboard each ship to read the life force of the Opossum which he thought had been fed into them, never realizing that the program carried the boog life force pattern.
Immediately every one of the ships and transports in the armada were bounced into the bottomless sumps of Boogovia, the forbidden planet.
Fortunately all aboard were either crustaceans or amphibians and were able to skitter across the surface to the bank where they watched the entire Federation fleet slowly sink out of sight into the soupy mud.
After a long trial the two were sentenced to 20 years of scraping algae from rocks and all of their fortunes, including what they had cheated Tu-Leever out of, was confiscated. The council decided it had all been a scam and there was no such place as Earth.
Tu-Leever was sitting on his custom grown giant lilly pad in his own private pond, telling the tadpoles about the legendary Eb 'N Lafe who had made him his fortune when they gave him a couple of ears of corn seed and showed him how to build a still. Every planet in the Federation was clamoring to get their share of the mysterious shine, the secrets of which were known only to the inhabitants of the Amphibian planet Bogsnfrogs. One of these days Tu-Leever would go back for a visit. He missed the fun of chasing after the old hound Revalation, stumbling along with a jug of shine and crossing bogs and streams, now and then colliding with trees in the dark. He missed them good ol' boys.
THE END
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If you haven't read the first parts of this story read them before you read the end.
Eb 'N Lafe Save the Galaxy - conclusion
PART 4
A few months later Eb 'N Lafe sat on Eb's sagging porch, whittling, spitting, passing the jug and generally having a fine old time.
"Wonder whut ever become of thet Tulliver feller?"mused Eb
"Prob'ly went back to Pinchback Mountain. Reckon he got to missin his kinfolk", replied Lafe.
"Likely so. Kinda miss the little feller. He shore loved his shine".
"And Laws could he chase after a hound? Never seed a feller could skitter cross a bog hole fast as he could. Why it warn't nothin to him".
"Reckon them web feet had somethin to do with thet".
"Mebbe he'll come back fer a visit one a these days".
Meanwhile Admiral Click-Clack had hastily assembled his armada for the invasion of Earth. 15 A class battle cruisers and 73 B class were in orbit ready to bounce to Earth. 150,000 hermit crab marines with fully armored shells were loaded aboard transports along with all of their weapons and he had been promised more once a succesful landing was made.
The Grand Council had been a bit dubious about his claims but the profits to be made from millions of slaves were too big to ignore. This mission would make or break the career of the Admiral and Viceroy.
The Admiral had his communicator order all ships to bounce simultaneously on his command. He wanted the skies of earth to be filled with warships so there could be no effective resistance.
He held up one pincer and said,"On my command. 3 - 2 - 1- EXECUTE. He expected the computers aboard each ship to read the life force of the Opossum which he thought had been fed into them, never realizing that the program carried the boog life force pattern.
Immediately every one of the ships and transports in the armada were bounced into the bottomless sumps of Boogovia, the forbidden planet.
Fortunately all aboard were either crustaceans or amphibians and were able to skitter across the surface to the bank where they watched the entire Federation fleet slowly sink out of sight into the soupy mud.
After a long trial the two were sentenced to 20 years of scraping algae from rocks and all of their fortunes, including what they had cheated Tu-Leever out of, was confiscated. The council decided it had all been a scam and there was no such place as Earth.
Tu-Leever was sitting on his custom grown giant lilly pad in his own private pond, telling the tadpoles about the legendary Eb 'N Lafe who had made him his fortune when they gave him a couple of ears of corn seed and showed him how to build a still. Every planet in the Federation was clamoring to get their share of the mysterious shine, the secrets of which were known only to the inhabitants of the Amphibian planet Bogsnfrogs. One of these days Tu-Leever would go back for a visit. He missed the fun of chasing after the old hound Revalation, stumbling along with a jug of shine and crossing bogs and streams, now and then colliding with trees in the dark. He missed them good ol' boys.
THE END
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Wednesday, April 16, 2008
TEE OF THE WEEK
Now here's a blast from the past. A never worn Donkey Kong tee shirt. Click on the picture to see it in my store.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
EB 'N LAFE SAVE THE GALAXY Part 3
Jody where in tarnation did you git them bloomers you're wearing? They come clean up under yer armpits. Aunt Maybells old trunk in the attic? I thought they looked familiar. I reckon I could tell a few stories about THEM. Naw Jody, I ain't agonna. You ain't ready to hear them kind of stories yet. Jest crawl up here an let me tell you some more about Eb 'N Lafe. Crowd over so's the rest of the younguns can git up here. If you haven't already read the first two parts of this story do so before you read this.
Eb 'N Lafe Save The Galaxy Part 3
Viceroy Snip-Snap and Admiral Click-Clack were seated by the boog tank nibbling on tasty boogs as they talked.
"Telepaths you say?" asked the Viceroy. "How interesting. Do you have any idea how much a telepath slave brings on certain planets"?
"That's what the communication from Tu-Leever said. And according to our biologists there are countless millions of them there".
"Telepaths can be very tricky. It wouldn't do to alert them to our intentions. We have to capture the entire planet in a matter of hours, before they can organize".
"Yes. I'm recalling our scout immediately. We'll have to return to the Federation and come back with an entire armada. Once the Grand Council hears what we have found we'll be heroes; and I might add, very rich ones".
"You know", said the Viceroy,"You'll have to get rid of this illegal boog tank. Pity. They are so tasty".
"Oh I wouldn't come any where near a Federation planet with boogs on board. You remember what happened to the planet Damitall when boogs got loose there".
"I hear the entire planet had to be abandoned. The boogs ate everything in sight and the natives were starved out".
Just then the hatch opened and an Ensign stepped inside. "The scout Tu-Leever has returned, Admiral".
Tu-Leever entered carrying a tote sack tied tightly shut. His skin was pale and his eyes were fiery red. "Do you mind if I sit Admiral? I don't feel well".
"Not till after I hear your report. You haven't caught some native disease have you"?
The scout leaned against the boog tank to steady himself and the enitire thing tipped over. Boogs scuttled everywhere.
"You idiot!!!", shouted the Admiral. then to the Ensign. "Seal off this whole end of the ship quickly before the boogs get into the rest of the compartments".
When all the hatches had been slammed shut, the Admiral turned to the scout who stood slumped over, holding his head in his hands. "Now, your report. I was going to give you a generous 1% of the profits but after that you can just share with the rest of the crew". He didn't mention that he and the Viceroy would split 98% between them. "What's wrong with you anyway"?
"It all started yesterday when I told Eb and Lafe I was leaving. He invited me to a feast of sow belly, corn bread and greasy greens. His wife Becky is some sort of Priestess. Eb told me she was a very religious cook. He said everything she cooked was either a burnt offering or a sacrifice".
The frog belched, then held his head and groaned again.
"Will you stop that!!!",roared the Admiral. Tu- Leever cringed at the loud voice.
"Then Eb said we'd better go check something they called a still and Lafe said he thought that was a crackin' good idea. Apparently checking consists of swallowing large portions of something called shine." He smiled wanly, "It takes a little getting used to and after a while it makes you feel strange but very happy".
"And what is that thing you're carrying?", asked the Admiral, pointing at the tote sack.
"I was coming to that. After we drank sufficient shine Lafe said he felt like hunting and Eb insisted I join them. We started running through the trees and bushes in the dark chasing a strange animal that was chasing another animal and being very noisy about it. Eb and Lafe were as happy as I was and we kept running into trees and falling down and laughing a lot. Both of them kept hollering, 'Git 'im Revalation. Git 'im.' We finally caught an animal they call a possum and he's in this sack".
Tu-Leever reached into the sack and pulled out the possum by the tail. The animal just hung there with it's eyes closed and a silly grin on it's face.
"Is it dead?", asked the Admiral.
"No. It's a very peculiar animal. When something frightens it, it pretends to be dead. Watch this". He dropped the opussum to the deck with a thump. It continued to lay there, unmoving. No one noticed as several boogs jumped on and buried themselves in it's fur.
"This is all very interesting.", said the Viceroy, "but there is one thing that puzzles me".
"What's that"?
"Well I understand how the homing device works but how can we return with an armada if we don't know where we are"?
"AHA!! Fortunately I was able to pull in a few favors, not to mention a considerable bit of bribe money. Gentlemen, we have aboard a brand new tracking device. All we have to do is take a reading on any living organism, such as that er peesome"
"Possum", corrected the frog.
"Yes. Well whatever ridiculous name those two strange creatures -"
"Eb 'N Lafe", corrected Tu-Leever again, "I like them. They're good ol' boys"
Admiral Click-Clack drew himself to his full height and glared at the frog. "If you're done reminiscing, perhaps I can get on with my explanation - now then, as I was saying", he paused to see if the frog would interrupt again but Tu-Leever just stood there slumped, holding his head, which had begun throbbing again with his hangover.
"The tracker will record the readings of this organism and feed them into the computer. When we want to come back the computer will run a program that will pinpoint the exact origin of signals from others of it's kind and bounce us back here, with our war armada all set to invade".
The opossum was a bit more peculiar than anyone realized. An opossum does not play dead. It has a primitive nervous system. When it is overloaded with an emotion such as fear or confusion it is as though a breaker kicks out and all but it's basic functions shut down. After a period of time it resets and the animal goes about it's business - providing something hasn't eaten it. That is the state the opossum was in right now.
When it was placed on the scanner the device was unable to pick up any readings from it's nervous system so it did the next best thing. It took readings from the boogs.
To be continued
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Eb 'N Lafe Save The Galaxy Part 3
Viceroy Snip-Snap and Admiral Click-Clack were seated by the boog tank nibbling on tasty boogs as they talked.
"Telepaths you say?" asked the Viceroy. "How interesting. Do you have any idea how much a telepath slave brings on certain planets"?
"That's what the communication from Tu-Leever said. And according to our biologists there are countless millions of them there".
"Telepaths can be very tricky. It wouldn't do to alert them to our intentions. We have to capture the entire planet in a matter of hours, before they can organize".
"Yes. I'm recalling our scout immediately. We'll have to return to the Federation and come back with an entire armada. Once the Grand Council hears what we have found we'll be heroes; and I might add, very rich ones".
"You know", said the Viceroy,"You'll have to get rid of this illegal boog tank. Pity. They are so tasty".
"Oh I wouldn't come any where near a Federation planet with boogs on board. You remember what happened to the planet Damitall when boogs got loose there".
"I hear the entire planet had to be abandoned. The boogs ate everything in sight and the natives were starved out".
Just then the hatch opened and an Ensign stepped inside. "The scout Tu-Leever has returned, Admiral".
Tu-Leever entered carrying a tote sack tied tightly shut. His skin was pale and his eyes were fiery red. "Do you mind if I sit Admiral? I don't feel well".
"Not till after I hear your report. You haven't caught some native disease have you"?
The scout leaned against the boog tank to steady himself and the enitire thing tipped over. Boogs scuttled everywhere.
"You idiot!!!", shouted the Admiral. then to the Ensign. "Seal off this whole end of the ship quickly before the boogs get into the rest of the compartments".
When all the hatches had been slammed shut, the Admiral turned to the scout who stood slumped over, holding his head in his hands. "Now, your report. I was going to give you a generous 1% of the profits but after that you can just share with the rest of the crew". He didn't mention that he and the Viceroy would split 98% between them. "What's wrong with you anyway"?
"It all started yesterday when I told Eb and Lafe I was leaving. He invited me to a feast of sow belly, corn bread and greasy greens. His wife Becky is some sort of Priestess. Eb told me she was a very religious cook. He said everything she cooked was either a burnt offering or a sacrifice".
The frog belched, then held his head and groaned again.
"Will you stop that!!!",roared the Admiral. Tu- Leever cringed at the loud voice.
"Then Eb said we'd better go check something they called a still and Lafe said he thought that was a crackin' good idea. Apparently checking consists of swallowing large portions of something called shine." He smiled wanly, "It takes a little getting used to and after a while it makes you feel strange but very happy".
"And what is that thing you're carrying?", asked the Admiral, pointing at the tote sack.
"I was coming to that. After we drank sufficient shine Lafe said he felt like hunting and Eb insisted I join them. We started running through the trees and bushes in the dark chasing a strange animal that was chasing another animal and being very noisy about it. Eb and Lafe were as happy as I was and we kept running into trees and falling down and laughing a lot. Both of them kept hollering, 'Git 'im Revalation. Git 'im.' We finally caught an animal they call a possum and he's in this sack".
Tu-Leever reached into the sack and pulled out the possum by the tail. The animal just hung there with it's eyes closed and a silly grin on it's face.
"Is it dead?", asked the Admiral.
"No. It's a very peculiar animal. When something frightens it, it pretends to be dead. Watch this". He dropped the opussum to the deck with a thump. It continued to lay there, unmoving. No one noticed as several boogs jumped on and buried themselves in it's fur.
"This is all very interesting.", said the Viceroy, "but there is one thing that puzzles me".
"What's that"?
"Well I understand how the homing device works but how can we return with an armada if we don't know where we are"?
"AHA!! Fortunately I was able to pull in a few favors, not to mention a considerable bit of bribe money. Gentlemen, we have aboard a brand new tracking device. All we have to do is take a reading on any living organism, such as that er peesome"
"Possum", corrected the frog.
"Yes. Well whatever ridiculous name those two strange creatures -"
"Eb 'N Lafe", corrected Tu-Leever again, "I like them. They're good ol' boys"
Admiral Click-Clack drew himself to his full height and glared at the frog. "If you're done reminiscing, perhaps I can get on with my explanation - now then, as I was saying", he paused to see if the frog would interrupt again but Tu-Leever just stood there slumped, holding his head, which had begun throbbing again with his hangover.
"The tracker will record the readings of this organism and feed them into the computer. When we want to come back the computer will run a program that will pinpoint the exact origin of signals from others of it's kind and bounce us back here, with our war armada all set to invade".
The opossum was a bit more peculiar than anyone realized. An opossum does not play dead. It has a primitive nervous system. When it is overloaded with an emotion such as fear or confusion it is as though a breaker kicks out and all but it's basic functions shut down. After a period of time it resets and the animal goes about it's business - providing something hasn't eaten it. That is the state the opossum was in right now.
When it was placed on the scanner the device was unable to pick up any readings from it's nervous system so it did the next best thing. It took readings from the boogs.
To be continued
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Saturday, April 12, 2008
EB 'N LAFE SAVE THE GALAXY Part 2
Wal yer ma is off to wait tables at the Feed'N Fuel Truck Stop. You younguns best get ready for school. What you mean no school today? Teachers sick? Wal I never heard of stoppin school for that. Ain't they got a substitute? Substitutes sick too? You younguns ain't tryin to pull a fast one are you? Jody quit yer bawlin. I done tole you you was gonna fall down the steps if you tried to wear my brogans. I know you ain't hurt. You lit on your head. Wal jest crawl up here and quit snifflin and I'll tell you what happened to ol Eb 'N Lafe next.
If you haven't already read the first part scroll down and read it before you read this.
EB 'N LAFE SAVE THE GALAXY
Part 2
Tu Leever had chosen the cautious approach. If they decided to enslave the planet they wanted it to come as a complete surprise.
Tu-Leever had landed at the lower end of Horrible Hollow. It was a spot where the branch flowing through the hollow ended up in a rather large bog. He now sat up to his neck in mud and swamp water. He was throwing mud into the air so it landed on top of his head and ran down over him. "What a great planet", he thought. "I wish the wife and tadpoles were here to see this. I wonder if I can get the Federation to give me this bog for a Summer home"?
At the edge of the hollow, Eb 'n Lafe stood behind a clump of brush and watched.
"Who in tarnation is thet"?,asked Lafe. "Never seed him around before. Queer lookin feller ain't he"?
"Dang if he ain't. Looky them bug eyes an green hide. An they ain't a hair on him nowheres".
"Iffen he's tryin to take a bath he got strange notions how to do it".
They had been tracking a razorback hog all morning and thought he might be here in the hollow. Now they had forgotten all about the hog. This was more interesting.
Just then Tu Leever stood up and walked onto the bank.
"Say now", said Eb, "Betcha I know who thet is. Not in particular mind but sorta in general. Ye recollect thet bunch up on Pinchbone Mountain? Whut they call them? Thet bunch thet never come out".
"Ye mean the Tullivers? I ain't never laid eyes on them"
"Seed one onct. I were huntin ginseng. They been inbreedin so long they all looks a mite pecoolyar. One I seed had webbed toes, an bug eyes Jest like thet feller".
"Reckon we best go down an be sociable. This yere is kinda our neck of the woods".
Tu-Leever froze when he saw them. They walked up and Eb said, "Howdy. Reckon yer name'd be Tulliver".
Tu-Leever's jaw dropped open when his earpiece translated. "By the great Horny Toad", he thought, "Telepaths. How else could they know my name"?
"Have ye a snort", said Lafe, proferring the ever present jug.
Tu-Leever thought it best to act friendly till he figured things out. He tipped up the jug and took a big swallow.
"Wal dang!", exclaimed Eb, "Looky ol' Tulliver dance. He could work on thet singin' a mite though".
Tu Leever was jumping and stomping around in a circle, making, "WOOF WOOF", noises as he tried to get his breath.
Lafe got out his harmonica and started playing, "Skunk A'crossin the Road"
"YEEE HAW", cried Eb, throwing a few fancy clog steps of his own.
To be continued - - -
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If you haven't already read the first part scroll down and read it before you read this.
EB 'N LAFE SAVE THE GALAXY
Part 2
Tu Leever had chosen the cautious approach. If they decided to enslave the planet they wanted it to come as a complete surprise.
Tu-Leever had landed at the lower end of Horrible Hollow. It was a spot where the branch flowing through the hollow ended up in a rather large bog. He now sat up to his neck in mud and swamp water. He was throwing mud into the air so it landed on top of his head and ran down over him. "What a great planet", he thought. "I wish the wife and tadpoles were here to see this. I wonder if I can get the Federation to give me this bog for a Summer home"?
At the edge of the hollow, Eb 'n Lafe stood behind a clump of brush and watched.
"Who in tarnation is thet"?,asked Lafe. "Never seed him around before. Queer lookin feller ain't he"?
"Dang if he ain't. Looky them bug eyes an green hide. An they ain't a hair on him nowheres".
"Iffen he's tryin to take a bath he got strange notions how to do it".
They had been tracking a razorback hog all morning and thought he might be here in the hollow. Now they had forgotten all about the hog. This was more interesting.
Just then Tu Leever stood up and walked onto the bank.
"Say now", said Eb, "Betcha I know who thet is. Not in particular mind but sorta in general. Ye recollect thet bunch up on Pinchbone Mountain? Whut they call them? Thet bunch thet never come out".
"Ye mean the Tullivers? I ain't never laid eyes on them"
"Seed one onct. I were huntin ginseng. They been inbreedin so long they all looks a mite pecoolyar. One I seed had webbed toes, an bug eyes Jest like thet feller".
"Reckon we best go down an be sociable. This yere is kinda our neck of the woods".
Tu-Leever froze when he saw them. They walked up and Eb said, "Howdy. Reckon yer name'd be Tulliver".
Tu-Leever's jaw dropped open when his earpiece translated. "By the great Horny Toad", he thought, "Telepaths. How else could they know my name"?
"Have ye a snort", said Lafe, proferring the ever present jug.
Tu-Leever thought it best to act friendly till he figured things out. He tipped up the jug and took a big swallow.
"Wal dang!", exclaimed Eb, "Looky ol' Tulliver dance. He could work on thet singin' a mite though".
Tu Leever was jumping and stomping around in a circle, making, "WOOF WOOF", noises as he tried to get his breath.
Lafe got out his harmonica and started playing, "Skunk A'crossin the Road"
"YEEE HAW", cried Eb, throwing a few fancy clog steps of his own.
To be continued - - -
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Wednesday, April 9, 2008
EB N' LAFE SAVE THE GALAXY
What you younguns doing down here? It's way past your bed time. Jody you got yer drawers wrongways out agin. You got the flap openin' to the inside and that jest ain't gonna work in a emergency. Wal I know I promised you a tale but it's way late. Wal alright climb up here next to yer old Uncle Hoody an let's get it over with. Now this tale - whuts in my glass? Jest ahhh tea. Yep that's whut it is tea. No you can't taste it Jody. It's purty strong tea. It's the same kinda tea ol' Eb N' Lafe was drinkin when they told me this tale but them ol'boys wouldn't lie would they?
EB 'N LAFE SAVE THE GALAXY
by Billy Whiskers
Viceroy Snip-Snap groaned as he peeled himself off the deck. "Oh my aching carapace. I think my shell is cracked. What happened"?
Admiral Click-Clack snapped his pincers. He was so agitated he was blowing bubbles. "We had to hit the emergency bounce button". He reared back on his four hind legs and roared loudly, "TU-LEEVER !!!!! To the bridge on the double" He looked around and saw a skinny green leg sticking out from under the console. Grabbing it with a pincer he held the green frog upside down and stared balefully at him. "Trying to hide again? Can't you at least find a new place"?
"But, but. I didn't - I wouldn't - I couldn't"
" Will you listen to this idiot? I ask the Grand Council for a scout and what do they send me? An AMPHIBIAN. They said all their crustacean scouts were tied up".
"Why did you bounce"?
" Because this blithering idiot", he shook Tu- Leever till his pink tongue was hanging out. "tried to pet the Fugozian ambassador".
"PET the FUGOZIAN AMBASSADOR"?
"But-but, he was so cute and cuddly".
"Cute and cuddly and the fiercest, most war like species in the known space-time continuum." He dropped the frog on his head. "there was an entire war armada on our tail. In a few seconds they would have been in range so I had to hit the emergency bounce button to get us out of there fast".
"Where are we"?
"Well that's the problem. In a controlled bounce we always know where we are, but the whole point of an emergency bounce is that it's entirely random. That's why the Fugozians couldn't follow us. We could be anywhere in a literally infinite space-time continuum".
His navigator turned from the console. "Shall I activate the homing bounce sir? We could be back in the Federation in no time".
"Oh sure, back home in disgrace with nothing to show for our expedition. We'd all be scraping algae off rocks for the rest of our lives".
Behind his back a small blue light lit up. There was a soft beep, then another beep. This was followed by beeps that grew louder and closer together till it sounded like a hundred pound canary. His biological officer came running onto the bridge.
He looked at a screen, punched a few buttons and the beeps stopped. On the screen was a series of numbers that grew bigger by the minute. He scuttled back and forth in agitation. "My claws and flippers. I never saw anything like this before. There are thousands of different life forms on just one planet".
"Well, well", said the Admiral," Gentlemen, we might have gotten lucky after all. Which one? Where"?
"That little one, way across the galaxy there. Let me get it on the screen".
A pinpoint of light grew bigger as they sensors zoomed in on it, till a picture of the Earth appeared. "That's the one".
To be continued if you can stand the excitement (not to mention the idiocy)
Be sure to check out me latest tees: http://hoodat-teeshirts-andmore.ecrater.com/
And don't forget the cool beads in my new store: http://hoodatbeadcraft.ecrater.com/
EB 'N LAFE SAVE THE GALAXY
by Billy Whiskers
Viceroy Snip-Snap groaned as he peeled himself off the deck. "Oh my aching carapace. I think my shell is cracked. What happened"?
Admiral Click-Clack snapped his pincers. He was so agitated he was blowing bubbles. "We had to hit the emergency bounce button". He reared back on his four hind legs and roared loudly, "TU-LEEVER !!!!! To the bridge on the double" He looked around and saw a skinny green leg sticking out from under the console. Grabbing it with a pincer he held the green frog upside down and stared balefully at him. "Trying to hide again? Can't you at least find a new place"?
"But, but. I didn't - I wouldn't - I couldn't"
" Will you listen to this idiot? I ask the Grand Council for a scout and what do they send me? An AMPHIBIAN. They said all their crustacean scouts were tied up".
"Why did you bounce"?
" Because this blithering idiot", he shook Tu- Leever till his pink tongue was hanging out. "tried to pet the Fugozian ambassador".
"PET the FUGOZIAN AMBASSADOR"?
"But-but, he was so cute and cuddly".
"Cute and cuddly and the fiercest, most war like species in the known space-time continuum." He dropped the frog on his head. "there was an entire war armada on our tail. In a few seconds they would have been in range so I had to hit the emergency bounce button to get us out of there fast".
"Where are we"?
"Well that's the problem. In a controlled bounce we always know where we are, but the whole point of an emergency bounce is that it's entirely random. That's why the Fugozians couldn't follow us. We could be anywhere in a literally infinite space-time continuum".
His navigator turned from the console. "Shall I activate the homing bounce sir? We could be back in the Federation in no time".
"Oh sure, back home in disgrace with nothing to show for our expedition. We'd all be scraping algae off rocks for the rest of our lives".
Behind his back a small blue light lit up. There was a soft beep, then another beep. This was followed by beeps that grew louder and closer together till it sounded like a hundred pound canary. His biological officer came running onto the bridge.
He looked at a screen, punched a few buttons and the beeps stopped. On the screen was a series of numbers that grew bigger by the minute. He scuttled back and forth in agitation. "My claws and flippers. I never saw anything like this before. There are thousands of different life forms on just one planet".
"Well, well", said the Admiral," Gentlemen, we might have gotten lucky after all. Which one? Where"?
"That little one, way across the galaxy there. Let me get it on the screen".
A pinpoint of light grew bigger as they sensors zoomed in on it, till a picture of the Earth appeared. "That's the one".
To be continued if you can stand the excitement (not to mention the idiocy)
Be sure to check out me latest tees: http://hoodat-teeshirts-andmore.ecrater.com/
And don't forget the cool beads in my new store: http://hoodatbeadcraft.ecrater.com/
TEE OF THE WEEK
I'll get the first part of my next tale in later today.
TEE OF THE WEEK
Here's a great tee shirt that will suit either the racing or chocolate enthusiast. NASCAR 36, the M&Ms car.
Sorry I've been a little slow with the next tale. I've been busy stocking the shelves of both my clothing and bead stores. Drop by and visit. The links are in my cool links section.I'll get the first part of my next tale in later today.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
The GREAT BOOK SAFARI Conclusion
You younguns sure you want to hear this last part? It's kinda sad partly but it has a good endin. Y'all sure you washed up and brushed your teeth? Naw I don't have to brush mine Jody. I jest take em out now and again an wipe them on the seat a my britches, then set them in a cup of water next to my bed. Okay crawl up here next to me an here we go. If you haven't read the other parts of this story do so now before you read the ending.
DAY 9
Home again, Home again (jiggety jig). I trundled my red wagon full of books into the house. My dog immediately went back under the bed with a clothespin on her nose.
I sat contemplating the books and wondering what to do. On the one hand I can't think of any PBS member who has, "No books smelling of rotten shrimp", on their conditions but the post office might consider them hazardous material and refuse them.
Finally, in desperation, I put them in the washing machine taking the precautions of setting it to the gentle cycle and using Woolite. An hour later I was forced to admit the experiment had been a failure. The books came out fused together into one lump of pulp. I should have remembered that most of them were pulp fiction to start with.
They were buried in a mass grave in the petunia patch. After playing taps on my kazoo and firing a twenty gun salute with my trusty Red Ryder BB gun I erected a simple stone monument with a genuine Reynolds Wrap plaque reading, "Here lie those brave books who gave their all that Free Swapping might survive". I wiped a tear from my eye and went back into the house to drown my troubles in root beer.
Day 10
My spirits were at a low ebb (as opposed to a high ebb) I had no idea how many root beers I had drank. My trash can was overflowing with empties. I considered calling RBA (Root beer anonymous) But I can quit any time I want to. I know I can. I can so. Don't argue with me. OH NO!!!. I was hearing voices.
Suddenly I realized the voice was coming from my book shelf. I KNOW THAT VOICE!! Swiftly I ran to my book shelves and began tearing off the set of 1962 Encyclopedia Britannica I had been trying to convince Goodwill to take off my hands.
In my haste I had neglected to put on the steel toed shoes I usually wore when working with my book shelf. Several heavy volumes fell onto my foot. Fortunately I had shared my camp behind the dumbster in the Canyons with a holy man (Muscatel Sam by name) who had taught me a mystical exercise to dispel pain. It consists of hopping on one foot while chanting the sacred phrase OWWWW OWWWW OWWW. My dog joined in with her own form of canine Yoga which consists of rolling on the floor and laughing.
When the pain had subsided somewhat I hobbled over to the bookshelf and there , peeping shyly out behind AZ - BL was my prodigal book. I danced wildly about the room, holding it to my breast. Now we shall have a great feast. We shall invite all the cats who had followed me from the canyons. I was not sure about the buzzards who lined the porch rail. We shall feast on baloney sandwiches with Kraft cheese and slathered with mustard. We shall drink great tankards full of ginger ale. We shall spare no expense. MY BOOK IS BACK.
I held the wayward book at arms length and read the title, "Breed To Come" Wait a minute. That book is about an intelligent race of cats who inhabit the Earth when men leave. CATS??? That explains everything. There had been no need for all of the searching. Everyone knows that no matter how cats may roam, they always come back.
END OF THE GREAT ADVENTURE
Ready for Summer? Check out my all silk Hawaiian shirts; http://hoodat-teeshirts-andmore.ecrater.com/
DAY 9
Home again, Home again (jiggety jig). I trundled my red wagon full of books into the house. My dog immediately went back under the bed with a clothespin on her nose.
I sat contemplating the books and wondering what to do. On the one hand I can't think of any PBS member who has, "No books smelling of rotten shrimp", on their conditions but the post office might consider them hazardous material and refuse them.
Finally, in desperation, I put them in the washing machine taking the precautions of setting it to the gentle cycle and using Woolite. An hour later I was forced to admit the experiment had been a failure. The books came out fused together into one lump of pulp. I should have remembered that most of them were pulp fiction to start with.
They were buried in a mass grave in the petunia patch. After playing taps on my kazoo and firing a twenty gun salute with my trusty Red Ryder BB gun I erected a simple stone monument with a genuine Reynolds Wrap plaque reading, "Here lie those brave books who gave their all that Free Swapping might survive". I wiped a tear from my eye and went back into the house to drown my troubles in root beer.
Day 10
My spirits were at a low ebb (as opposed to a high ebb) I had no idea how many root beers I had drank. My trash can was overflowing with empties. I considered calling RBA (Root beer anonymous) But I can quit any time I want to. I know I can. I can so. Don't argue with me. OH NO!!!. I was hearing voices.
Suddenly I realized the voice was coming from my book shelf. I KNOW THAT VOICE!! Swiftly I ran to my book shelves and began tearing off the set of 1962 Encyclopedia Britannica I had been trying to convince Goodwill to take off my hands.
In my haste I had neglected to put on the steel toed shoes I usually wore when working with my book shelf. Several heavy volumes fell onto my foot. Fortunately I had shared my camp behind the dumbster in the Canyons with a holy man (Muscatel Sam by name) who had taught me a mystical exercise to dispel pain. It consists of hopping on one foot while chanting the sacred phrase OWWWW OWWWW OWWW. My dog joined in with her own form of canine Yoga which consists of rolling on the floor and laughing.
When the pain had subsided somewhat I hobbled over to the bookshelf and there , peeping shyly out behind AZ - BL was my prodigal book. I danced wildly about the room, holding it to my breast. Now we shall have a great feast. We shall invite all the cats who had followed me from the canyons. I was not sure about the buzzards who lined the porch rail. We shall feast on baloney sandwiches with Kraft cheese and slathered with mustard. We shall drink great tankards full of ginger ale. We shall spare no expense. MY BOOK IS BACK.
I held the wayward book at arms length and read the title, "Breed To Come" Wait a minute. That book is about an intelligent race of cats who inhabit the Earth when men leave. CATS??? That explains everything. There had been no need for all of the searching. Everyone knows that no matter how cats may roam, they always come back.
END OF THE GREAT ADVENTURE
Ready for Summer? Check out my all silk Hawaiian shirts; http://hoodat-teeshirts-andmore.ecrater.com/
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