EB 'N LAFE SAVE THE GALAXY Part 3

Jody where in tarnation did you git them bloomers you're wearing? They come clean up under yer armpits. Aunt Maybells old trunk in the attic? I thought they looked familiar. I reckon I could tell a few stories about THEM. Naw Jody, I ain't agonna. You ain't ready to hear them kind of stories yet. Jest crawl up here an let me tell you some more about Eb 'N Lafe. Crowd over so's the rest of the younguns can git up here. If you haven't already read the first two parts of this story do so before you read this.

Eb 'N Lafe Save The Galaxy Part 3


Viceroy Snip-Snap and Admiral Click-Clack were seated by the boog tank nibbling on tasty boogs as they talked.
"Telepaths you say?" asked the Viceroy. "How interesting. Do you have any idea how much a telepath slave brings on certain planets"?
"That's what the communication from Tu-Leever said. And according to our biologists there are countless millions of them there".
"Telepaths can be very tricky. It wouldn't do to alert them to our intentions. We have to capture the entire planet in a matter of hours, before they can organize".
"Yes. I'm recalling our scout immediately. We'll have to return to the Federation and come back with an entire armada. Once the Grand Council hears what we have found we'll be heroes; and I might add, very rich ones".
"You know", said the Viceroy,"You'll have to get rid of this illegal boog tank. Pity. They are so tasty".
"Oh I wouldn't come any where near a Federation planet with boogs on board. You remember what happened to the planet Damitall when boogs got loose there".
"I hear the entire planet had to be abandoned. The boogs ate everything in sight and the natives were starved out".
Just then the hatch opened and an Ensign stepped inside. "The scout Tu-Leever has returned, Admiral".
Tu-Leever entered carrying a tote sack tied tightly shut. His skin was pale and his eyes were fiery red. "Do you mind if I sit Admiral? I don't feel well".
"Not till after I hear your report. You haven't caught some native disease have you"?
The scout leaned against the boog tank to steady himself and the enitire thing tipped over. Boogs scuttled everywhere.
"You idiot!!!", shouted the Admiral. then to the Ensign. "Seal off this whole end of the ship quickly before the boogs get into the rest of the compartments".
When all the hatches had been slammed shut, the Admiral turned to the scout who stood slumped over, holding his head in his hands. "Now, your report. I was going to give you a generous 1% of the profits but after that you can just share with the rest of the crew". He didn't mention that he and the Viceroy would split 98% between them. "What's wrong with you anyway"?
"It all started yesterday when I told Eb and Lafe I was leaving. He invited me to a feast of sow belly, corn bread and greasy greens. His wife Becky is some sort of Priestess. Eb told me she was a very religious cook. He said everything she cooked was either a burnt offering or a sacrifice".
The frog belched, then held his head and groaned again.
"Will you stop that!!!",roared the Admiral. Tu- Leever cringed at the loud voice.
"Then Eb said we'd better go check something they called a still and Lafe said he thought that was a crackin' good idea. Apparently checking consists of swallowing large portions of something called shine." He smiled wanly, "It takes a little getting used to and after a while it makes you feel strange but very happy".
"And what is that thing you're carrying?", asked the Admiral, pointing at the tote sack.
"I was coming to that. After we drank sufficient shine Lafe said he felt like hunting and Eb insisted I join them. We started running through the trees and bushes in the dark chasing a strange animal that was chasing another animal and being very noisy about it. Eb and Lafe were as happy as I was and we kept running into trees and falling down and laughing a lot. Both of them kept hollering, 'Git 'im Revalation. Git 'im.' We finally caught an animal they call a possum and he's in this sack".

Tu-Leever reached into the sack and pulled out the possum by the tail. The animal just hung there with it's eyes closed and a silly grin on it's face.
"Is it dead?", asked the Admiral.
"No. It's a very peculiar animal. When something frightens it, it pretends to be dead. Watch this". He dropped the opussum to the deck with a thump. It continued to lay there, unmoving. No one noticed as several boogs jumped on and buried themselves in it's fur.
"This is all very interesting.", said the Viceroy, "but there is one thing that puzzles me".
"What's that"?
"Well I understand how the homing device works but how can we return with an armada if we don't know where we are"?
"AHA!! Fortunately I was able to pull in a few favors, not to mention a considerable bit of bribe money. Gentlemen, we have aboard a brand new tracking device. All we have to do is take a reading on any living organism, such as that er peesome"
"Possum", corrected the frog.
"Yes. Well whatever ridiculous name those two strange creatures -"
"Eb 'N Lafe", corrected Tu-Leever again, "I like them. They're good ol' boys"
Admiral Click-Clack drew himself to his full height and glared at the frog. "If you're done reminiscing, perhaps I can get on with my explanation - now then, as I was saying", he paused to see if the frog would interrupt again but Tu-Leever just stood there slumped, holding his head, which had begun throbbing again with his hangover.
"The tracker will record the readings of this organism and feed them into the computer. When we want to come back the computer will run a program that will pinpoint the exact origin of signals from others of it's kind and bounce us back here, with our war armada all set to invade".
The opossum was a bit more peculiar than anyone realized. An opossum does not play dead. It has a primitive nervous system. When it is overloaded with an emotion such as fear or confusion it is as though a breaker kicks out and all but it's basic functions shut down. After a period of time it resets and the animal goes about it's business - providing something hasn't eaten it. That is the state the opossum was in right now.
When it was placed on the scanner the device was unable to pick up any readings from it's nervous system so it did the next best thing. It took readings from the boogs.

To be continued

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