EB N' LAFE SAVE THE GALAXY

What you younguns doing down here? It's way past your bed time. Jody you got yer drawers wrongways out agin. You got the flap openin' to the inside and that jest ain't gonna work in a emergency. Wal I know I promised you a tale but it's way late. Wal alright climb up here next to yer old Uncle Hoody an let's get it over with. Now this tale - whuts in my glass? Jest ahhh tea. Yep that's whut it is tea. No you can't taste it Jody. It's purty strong tea. It's the same kinda tea ol' Eb N' Lafe was drinkin when they told me this tale but them ol'boys wouldn't lie would they?


EB 'N LAFE SAVE THE GALAXY
by Billy Whiskers
Viceroy Snip-Snap groaned as he peeled himself off the deck. "Oh my aching carapace. I think my shell is cracked. What happened"?
Admiral Click-Clack snapped his pincers. He was so agitated he was blowing bubbles. "We had to hit the emergency bounce button". He reared back on his four hind legs and roared loudly, "TU-LEEVER !!!!! To the bridge on the double" He looked around and saw a skinny green leg sticking out from under the console. Grabbing it with a pincer he held the green frog upside down and stared balefully at him. "Trying to hide again? Can't you at least find a new place"?
"But, but. I didn't - I wouldn't - I couldn't"
" Will you listen to this idiot? I ask the Grand Council for a scout and what do they send me? An AMPHIBIAN. They said all their crustacean scouts were tied up".
"Why did you bounce"?
" Because this blithering idiot", he shook Tu- Leever till his pink tongue was hanging out. "tried to pet the Fugozian ambassador".
"PET the FUGOZIAN AMBASSADOR"?
"But-but, he was so cute and cuddly".
"Cute and cuddly and the fiercest, most war like species in the known space-time continuum." He dropped the frog on his head. "there was an entire war armada on our tail. In a few seconds they would have been in range so I had to hit the emergency bounce button to get us out of there fast".
"Where are we"?
"Well that's the problem. In a controlled bounce we always know where we are, but the whole point of an emergency bounce is that it's entirely random. That's why the Fugozians couldn't follow us. We could be anywhere in a literally infinite space-time continuum".
His navigator turned from the console. "Shall I activate the homing bounce sir? We could be back in the Federation in no time".
"Oh sure, back home in disgrace with nothing to show for our expedition. We'd all be scraping algae off rocks for the rest of our lives".
Behind his back a small blue light lit up. There was a soft beep, then another beep. This was followed by beeps that grew louder and closer together till it sounded like a hundred pound canary. His biological officer came running onto the bridge.
He looked at a screen, punched a few buttons and the beeps stopped. On the screen was a series of numbers that grew bigger by the minute. He scuttled back and forth in agitation. "My claws and flippers. I never saw anything like this before. There are thousands of different life forms on just one planet".
"Well, well", said the Admiral," Gentlemen, we might have gotten lucky after all. Which one? Where"?
"That little one, way across the galaxy there. Let me get it on the screen".
A pinpoint of light grew bigger as they sensors zoomed in on it, till a picture of the Earth appeared. "That's the one".

To be continued if you can stand the excitement (not to mention the idiocy)

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